THIRTY THREE

I'm thirty-three weeks pregnant. Which means that sometime in the next 8 weeks (hopefully 5-7), I will have a baby in my arms.

THAT is blowing my mind. Every step of pregnancy has kind of blown my mind, though.

This week I went to a breastfeeding class that, while sort of awkward, left me feeling really informed and confident in nursing. Previously, it had been something I was really on the fence about.

Conrad and I also went to our first birthing class. Since I'm simultaneously a super-motivated mama and an uber-procrastinator all at once, I waited until a few weeks ago to sign up for the class. Which is seven weeks long. And I have seven weeks left. If we're lucky, we'll get out of the last session or two. As much as I loved school, I always loved ditch days, and what better reason to miss class than "I gave birth."

I spent some time with my family this weekend, which was great. I've got my showers coming up next week and had some stuff to go over with my mom. Weather in LA is drastically different than in San Diego. Read: much freaking hotter. Like, a thirty degree difference. So my mom dug out her most stretched out swimsuit for me to borrow and we swam in the pool. The heavenly pool. It was actually the first time I've really gone swimming all summer. I mostly sat on the extra-wide first step and let The Boy kick while I soaked up some sun. And burned a little, since that's what I seem to do these days, with all these extra hormones, or something.

People keep asking me, on account of the heat, if I'm really ready to be done, or some variation of the question. I can honestly say, no, I'm not. Pregnancy has been one of the most pleasant, fulfilling, fast-moving things I've ever done, and any discomfort I've felt has been totally outweighed by all the kicks and excitement and closeness that Conrad and I have felt. So, no, lady in the grocery store. I'm happy to stick it out for the summer. And I'll be happy to do it again in a few years.

Pregnancy updates:
Baby probably weighs around 4 pounds.
I've gained 25 pounds.
The Boy is a fish who's too big for his pond. Every move he makes throws me off balance or makes be dizzy. We're both getting excited for the day he can come out.
I've officially stretched my love handles further than they're willing to go. Up until about 28 weeks, I was rocking one single, vertical stretch mark on each side. Now, it looks a little more like a bear mauled me. Still none on the front of the belly, though, which I'm grateful for.
I'm leaking. I'll just leave it at that, since I know my dad reads my blogs sometimes.
I'm DYING to get a 4D ultrasound. Anyone want to front $100 so I can go see my kid?
My feet don't really swell. Maybe at the end of a long, on-your-feet day, they'll be a little puffier than usual, but nothing elephant-like.
My hands have had some "numbness." That's not really how I'd describe it, but that's how my doctor described it, so I guess that's what it is. I can still feel my hands fine (they don't actually feel numb), but I have trouble gripping objects like pens or cups. Like I have less control over those muscles. Weird. And it makes applying eyelashes quite a bit harder.
My back hurt for a while, but I realized I need to stop sitting on my couch that promotes horrible posture and spend more time on my birthing ball. Also, massages are wonderful.

Questions for you:
My hair has gotten darker. ^^^ I'd still call it blond, but it's much darker on the top of my scalp. For those of you who've had babies, will my hair go back to it's medium-blond color, or stay darker?
Have any of you felt the hand "numbness" I described? How do you remedy/prevent it?
Anyone have any healthy snack suggestions that I can make or have in larger quantities, ready to grab?
Which trimester did you grow/gain the most? I feel like I gained and grew much more in the second trimester. Not that it's bad, just wondering.

And just so you guys know, here are some blog updates I wanted to share with you!
I gave my About page a huge facelift. I'd love for you to check it out and let me know what you think! (Also changed/added: My Contact page, FAQ page)
Here's a giveaway for an art print from A Cat-Like Curiosity.
Here's a giveaway for $50 credit to Fruitful Feet.
July will be the last month I accept sponsors until after the baby comes. I'd love to have you on my sidebar! Check out my advertising options here, and use the promo code 'babyframe' for $10 off any ad!

Wooden Desk Renovation: White desk with stained top

As usual, when I started this project, I had a moderately realistic idea of how much work it would take, but when it came to actually completing the project, I underestimated the amount of time and energy it would take. Conrad grew up with this desk, so when we inherited it when we got married, it had it's fair share of ink stains, words and phrases etched into the soft pine, and an absurd amount of stickers stuck to it.

When we moved into our first apartment, I worked pretty hard at scraping the stickers and their yucky residue off the desk, and cleaning it with a Magic Eraser, but was only able to do so much without doing some serious damage to the varnish. So I left it as it was and planned on fixing it or replacing it later. 

You can see some of the remaining sticker gunk above, and some of Conrad's super-cool secret messages below (written by the coolest medium of all: a piece of charcoal on the innermost part of the drawer). 

I had seen some cute desk renovations that inspired me (see all of Pinterest), and I decided that this project was one I could handle without too much intense labor or time. Here's how I did it, along with some tips that made (or would have made) the desk renovation easier. 

1. Remove all drawers and move all parts outside. I have a giant roll of carpenter's paper from Home Depot that was seriously a genius purchase. I use that stuff for almost every paint-involved project, and I even wrap presents in it. Something about brown paper, am I right? Put the desk on the paper so you don't stain or paint the concrete by accident, and also to protect the desk from the roughness or dirtiness of the ground.

2. Remove the hardware and set aside. Save your screws so you can put them back on later!

3. Make any repairs that are needed. Two of the drawers' tracks were seriously cracked, so I used Gorilla Glue to fix them, and then held the pieces in place with blue painter's tape. The picture above shows Elmer's Wood Glue, but I didn't end up using it. I've used it before and it takes too long to dry and isn't a strong enough bond. Set aside the parts that you've repaired. Let them start to dry. You'll still be able to work on them even if the glue is still wet, but just give it a little time. 

4. Start sanding. This is where the majority of the work was. I spent about 6 hours sanding all the surfaces of the desk and drawers that were going to get painted or stained - with the help of a friend and two electric sanders. Make sure to get all the little crevasses. You want all the varnish to be gone so that the stain and paint sticks to the wood and doesn't pearl up. 

My advice if you're doing a project like this: Invest in an electric sander. You can find them ranging from $10 - $60. I promise, no one has ever said, "man, I sure didn't need that electric sander" at the end of a project. If you do wood-based projects often (or even occasionally), it's a really wonderful tool to have, and they're very easy to use. I have a Ryobi brand which is great for household projects. 

5. Dust completely clean with a rag. Make sure there is no remaining sawdust or it will affect the color and grittiness of the paint and stain.

6. Spray paint the hardware. This step can really be done at any point once the hardware has been removed from the drawers. Apply the paint in thin, even layers. I applied it too thick and you can see that they rippled. Allow to dry overnight. 

7. For the painting and staining steps, I moved the desk and the carpenter's paper inside (don't worry, windows and fans were in full use and no fumes were breathed by the pregnant lady). 

Home renovation stores sell wood stains in various can sizes, and I used the teeniest one available with plenty leftover. Using a rag, apply the stain first, since it's more liquidy than the paint and drips easier. You don't have to be as careful since you can paint over any drips. I think the desk was pine, and it didn't seem that multiple layers of stain made the wood any darker. 

Unfortunately, the abuse the poor desk suffered at the hands of a young Conrad ended up showing once the stain was applied. I'm fine with it, since overall, the desk looks brand new, but if you're more concerned by these things, I'd recommend sanding the wood extremely well before any stain is applied.

8. While the stain dries (which is relatively quick, like about an hour), start painting your drawers. To be safe, I gave them another wipe down. Be patient and let each layer dry completely before you apply another coat. If you paint a second layer before the previous layer is dry, the tacky paint may peel itself off.

Tip: don't paint the back side of the face of the drawers where it will touch the desk. Some paints tend to stick to themselves when the drawers are closed.

9. Once the stain is dry (or mostly dry), use blue painter's tape to cover the underside of the top of the desk that might get any paint on it. This will also make your life easier so you don't have to be so careful. Again, same as the drawers, make sure each layer is dry before you apply another layer or you'll just have to fix a bunch of weird spots. Use a small art brush to reach any small spaces.

Tip: Once the desk is totally painted, make sure to peel the tape off before the paint is completely dry! I waited too long and it peeled off some of the dry paint in one little spot, and I had to do it over again.

Tip: To save your brushes, rinse them clean immediately, then let them soak in water for an hour or two. Water should run totally clear through them. Allow to dry on a cloth or paper towel. I never try to save my paint trays.

10. When the Gorilla Glue is dry, peel the paint off that was holding the pieces in place. You may need to sand down any little pits that squeezed between the cracks so that the drawers slide smoothly.

11. Once everything is all dry and complete, you can reassemble! Screw your hardware back into place, slide the drawers back onto their tracks, and fill the desk with whatever your heart desires!

We use the desk in our entryway as a catch-all. Mail, keys, purses, and groceries all make their landing here. It also does a great job of hiding our shoes, which, despite my efforts, always end up in the area. I think it looks beachy and clean and perfect for our home, and it was really inexpensive to renovate, since we already had most of the materials we needed!

Materials:

Old wooden desk

Ryobi Electric Sander and sandpaper

leftover white paint from when I painted our bedroom white

leftover black spray paint for the hardware

Paint brushes, rags, and rollers

screwdriver for removing and reapplying hardware

Carpenter's paper (seriously, a huge roll is under $10 at Home Depot. Go get some)

What do you guys think? Any tips for renovating wood furniture that would be helpful?

PS - like my nautical, rope-wrapped vase? Here's how I did it.

HOW PREGNANCY CHANGES YOUR MARRIAGE

Getting pregnant changes everything. But we all know that. It can make or break your marriage. No actually, I think it can just break your marriage, unless you have a very strong foundation to begin with.

I talked a while ago about why I was glad we waited to get pregnant, and one of those reasons was that we got to have time together, just the two of us, growing up a little bit and getting to know each other. Figure out how to fight and make up. Figure out each of our unique communication methods and needs.

And I can honestly speculate that if I had gotten pregnant right away, we both would have been extremely unprepared and it would have been very hard to find joy in the circumstance.

Now, I can only speak about the "getting and being pregnant" part, not so much on the "having a child" part. But it changes you and it changes your partner and it changes your marriage.

How it changes you: 
Your emotions and energy will change. Some women are more emotional. Some are more regulated. I expected to be a crazy emotional pregnant woman, since I'm crazy emotional the rest of the time. Not so. I mellowed out and slowed down. Things that bothered me before don't bother me now. I had way less energy for a while from morning sickness, and now, with nesting and kicking off my eyelash extension business (bad timing), I have a lot more motivation.

Your physical appearance and habits will change. You'll have to come to terms with how little control you have over the whole thing. You may be violently ill for some or all of it. I was at the beginning, which I think is part of what regulated my emotions. I was too weak to be all fired up, and it sort of just formed a new habit. You'll feel and see things happening to your body (none of it bad) which may make you insecure. Things will stretch and leak. You'll gain weight in places you didn't expect (hello, back fat). And, as everyone does, you'll experience the awkward chubby-pregnant in-between stage where nothing fits and even if it did it is so uncomfortable you want to rip it off.

Your spirit will change. This one was the biggest change for me. My heart was so softened. Like I said, I had less energy to be angry at things, but something also gave me perspective to just be happy. To be a better person, a better friend, a better example. After all, a new child would soon be observing my behavior, and I wanted to make sure I was good enough for him.

How it changes your partner: 
He will be confused. Suddenly, you have no energy. You may be bed- or floor-ridden. Chores will be neglected. The wife he knew is different. Your bodily changes will only confuse him more. He knows there's a baby in there, and he even feels it, but he doesn't picture it. He just pictures a growing bump. As weird as the changes are to go through, they're equally weird to observe. Your poor husband probably just doesn't know what to do. Mine certainly didn't. He thought I was being dramatic by laying on the floor and watching TV in my sweats all day. So I explained to him, lovingly, while bent over the toilet, that I was in no way faking or exaggerating, and he'd need to help me pick up the slack where he could, at least until the sickness went away.

He may not be as excited as you. My husband doesn't imagine a baby in there, which to me seems impossible, but I'm feeling his little limbs and hiccups and roll-overs, so it's easy for me to imagine. His life has not significantly changed. He still wakes up at the same time. He still spends all day at work, goes surfing, and comes home to do programming, snuggling, and maybe the dishes. I'd argue that aside from emotionally preparing for a baby and eating different foods (whatever I want), his life hasn't changed at all. So it's natural that his excitement level is different from mine. He has his moments where he daydreams about the bald head or the diapers, or the nursery layout, but for the most part, it's all on me. Mommy's bond when they feel the baby; Daddy's bond when they touch/see/hear it. I've heard.

How it changes your marriage:
You will forever look at your husband differently. This loving man, who cared for you and wiped vomit off your cheek when you had morning sickness, who did more dishes in four years of marriage than most other men do in a lifetime, who works a day job and side jobs to ensure security and happiness for his little growing family.

And don't even get me started on how wonderful he'll be when the baby comes (again, I'm speculating). He'll always watch the neck. He'll carefully grease up the diaper rash. He'll come home and shower right away so he can spend the remainder of the night shirtless with a baby on his chest. He'll sing lullabies by the greatest artists of all time, none of that nursery rhyme crap. He'll go out and buy a child's buggy for the back of the bike long before it will ever be used.

This man will be the most attractive version of your husband ever, and you'll be too sore from childbirth to do anything about it for 4-6 weeks, and too tired from having a newborn to do anything about it for another 4 weeks.

Yes, pregnancy changes your life. You won't be able to wear your tightest clothes. You probably won't go clubbing anymore. You'll go nearly bald when it's all over. But the changes to your marriage, plus having a precious baby to love (and better, to watch your husband love) makes it worth it. Also, you'll forget most of the bad stuff. That's the only way women ever have more than one baby.

How did getting pregnant change your relationship?

THE LITTLE THINGS

Lately we've gotten into the habit of having a nice, long pillow-talk conversation when we get in bed. I'm kind of loving it. We get to talk about whatever is on our minds at the end of the day, whether it's something big like how we're going to raise our son, or something small like a new food we've been wanting to try.

We talk about things we're afraid of (the future, that last Supernatural episode) and things we want to be better about (not using coasters, being more cheerful). But one of my favorite things is recounting old childhood memories. Some of them are so buried in the back of our brains that we are literally sharing something we've never told anyone before. We'll laugh about the stupid things we did that we thought were cool, and we look at our parents differently. Experiences are remembered differently once you're an adult, and especially once you're about to be a parent.

It's pretty great. Also, I took a breastfeeding class yesterday that was gloriously awkward. So there's that.

10 minute jute projects for a nautical vibe!

Do you guys know what jute is? It's like thin rope, or thick cord, that is similar in texture to burlap, hemp, and other natural fibers. Last year it became one of my favorite, favorite materials to use for crafting. I love how it looks like rope (can't get enough of nautical accessories lately). I use it to hang wreaths and other projects on the wall, and I finally got around to doing a couple projects I had been wanting to do: wrapping some outdated household decorations in it for a beachy update!

All you need is jute (this is the one I got), hot glue, and a few minutes. Hot glue the jute to whatever items in your house need a nautical upgrade. Lamp shades, vases, lamp bases, picture frames, decorative bowls, or even a brick to use as a doorstop are all fun, easy projects!

When Conrad saw the lampshade, he said, totally unprompted, "It looks like it belongs in a little beach hut." There you have it! If my oblivious husband thinks it looks beachy, I think we're safe in saying it's a great way to accessorize your home if you're wanting a beach-house vibe.

(Google reader is going away in just a couple weeks! Follow me on bloglovin to stay connected.)

LIFE UPCOMING

You all know I have a baby coming. I don't think there's a single blog post in the last six months that wouldn't give that away. But I thought I'd share some of the other stuff we have going on.

Kitchen Renovation (see my inspiration here)
- Call me Stupid. Seriously, call me Stupid for starting this big of a project only weeks before I give birth. We are actually planning on redoing our cabinets and counters in the time before the baby is born. I'm actually really excited about it for several reasons. I felt like our home's layout was impractical (as most homes designed in the seventies are), and that staying here with a baby who would become a toddler, and then maybe even having a second baby was just not going to be a good thing. It wasn't space-effective. With our plans for updating the kitchen layout and updating some stuff, I feel like we'll be much happier to stay here and less desperate to move to a bigger home. Of course, there's a trade off. If we spend money on renovations, we'll have less money to put on our next down payment, but if we do the renovation, we can stay here longer and save, and even make more from rent on it when we decide to rent it out.


Baby Showers
- I have three baby showers coming up in July. THREE. That's a lot of thank you cards, guys. I'm so overwhelmed with how giving people have been and how many people in the world there are who want to celebrate our baby with us.

Grad School Application
- This one's a big fat maybe. I've been keeping myself pretty occupied with nesting projects, and so far it's been effective in keeping me from applying to grad school. Part of me is grateful for this, and the other part is stressed that I'm purposely putting it off. Maybe I'll apply, maybe not. But maybe. Do I really want to start the whole school process over again?

Various crafts and household projects
- I've impressed myself with how motivated I've been to complete some of the projects I've been wanting to do, such as painting my bedroom white and refurnishing an old desk (pictures coming soon), and even some small-scale projects. I'm planning on making a few more of these paper wreaths and burlap wreaths (pictured above) to give as thank-you gifts for some of the people who worked super hard on my showers. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve, and I'm hoping that I'll finish them all and go into labor the very next minute.

What about you? What are your plans in the next couple months? Do you have a deadline to meet?

THIRTY TWO

My phone died a death by surge and went straight to heaven for phones, also known as the Samsung Manufacturer so it could be replaced and sent back to me. Hence, the lack of regular belly pictures. I was actually really sad that I don't have a belly picture to document my baby body this week, but then I realized I had an awesome husband who snaps pictures of my activities, however unflattering, just in case.

I spent a lot of time on my ball this week - in various positions. My nesting frenzy (which I'm convinced will probably result in early labor) has left me with an absurd amount of large projects, including a desk that has been fully renovated (pictures coming soon - I think you can catch a glimpse of the drawers drying on my kitchen counter in one of the pictures below), and a very sore body. I treated myself to a prenatal massage, something I do monthly, and waddled out of the spa with slightly swollen ankles and a smile on my face.

I spent some time assembling thank-you gifts for the wonderful women who are helping throw my showers. Side note: Bath and Body Works' candles are $10 right now. Go stock up.

I never understood why pregnant women would say things like "I feel like I've been pregnant forever" and "it's taking soooo long for this baby to get here!" Now I understand. It's not the whole of pregnancy that makes women say these things; it's the last two months. I feel like these last 8 weeks are going to be longer than the other 32. Your body kind of reaches a limit where it can no longer find a comfortable position, you can no longer be awake for longer than 5 hours without needing a full REM cycle, and your baby gets so big that you can't stand the idea of a nearly-fully-developed baby inside you without dying to see his little face.

This week, I told Conrad what it felt like, emotionally, to get ready to meet him. I think we feel differently about the event. It's like I'm going to see someone I haven't seen for a long time, who I've been missing desperately. I don't feel like I'm about to meet a stranger. I feel like I'm about to be reunited with an old friend. In some ways, I am.

PERFECT

I've become the perfect wife, according to Conrad. This week, I tried to be really on top of meal planning so that we'd use our groceries and not be stressed about last minute meals, so I prepared one of our meals a day ahead of time and left it to marinate in the fridge. 

The next day, when Conrad came home from work, I confessed that I wasn't in the mood to eat the kabobs I had prepared. Without hesitation, he said, "We could eat out?"

Conrad almost never suggests that we eat out, so I'm wholly convinced that he has become the perfect husband (also, see picture above. How could a man who interacts with babies like that not be a perfect husband?). We sat there trying to decide where to go, and I suggested Del Taco. 

Something about pregnancy makes me want super-cheap and fast foods. He was so surprised by my suggestion, and he quickly agreed, lest I came to my senses and changed my mind. 

Between my latest food choices, my ever-changing body (which he seems to love, for some strange reason), and the fact that I'm carrying his baby, I'm pretty sure I've ensured the security of our marriage for at least another fifty years. Conrad would never leave a woman who has his babies and chooses Del Taco over anything else. 

The Premie, Part 2

The pictures above are still shots taken from our home videos. Lane was 2 years old before he started to walk or talk, and he had a speech and play therapist to help him hone his motor skills, something that is harder for premie babies than other kids. 

Here is the continued birth story of my brother, as told by my mom. Read Part 1 of this miraculous birth story here.  

"So I’m laying in a hospital room, not having contractions, and worried about our future (mine and baby’s).  I would rub my stomach and tell him how good he was doing and we were still together and to hold on, obviously a bit stressed that we could still lose him.  As I lay alone, I heard a voice very clearly say, “You will know when it’s time and it will be okay.”

What comfort that gave me.  I remember making lots of phone calls because I was very bored.  My best friend, Diane, was getting married and I was the Matron of Honor. Not happening now. She and her new husband, Tom, stopped by the hospital with a piece of cake as they were on their way to the airport to go on their honeymoon. Very sweet. James also brought the kids to see me. That was stressful because they were 2, 4, and 6. Lots of energy in a little room.

I also craved a bath. One of the nurse’s aids helped me get clean a couple of times, but I couldn't do my hair.  Remember, no bathroom privileges still.  I did end up going back into labor and needing to go back to LDR to get back on the medicine and it did stop labor again.  Then back down to the private room to wait some more.

I started getting terrible headaches and my back was killing me, probably from the angle of the bed.  Phone calls were of no interest to me.  I was just trying to survive and didn't even want company.  I felt miserable.

On day 6, I was on the phone with James hoping he could come and visit.  The hospital was one hour from home.  He was in the Bishopric with our church and had a meeting that night.  I told him I really needed him and we were going back and forth.  I then noticed I was bleeding again and told him he needed to come right away and then I hung up.  (Horribly stressful for James).  I had also insisted that he bring a camera.  He didn't want to, but I told him even if the baby died I would want a picture of him for my own memory.  I think he thought that was a bit morbid, but he brought it anyway.

As soon as I realized I was bleeding, I called the nurse in.  She pulled back the sheet and I was in a pool of blood. She began to panic. I calmly told her I needed to get down to LDR and she needed to get someone to take me right away. Once I got to an LDR room, the next nurse tried to put a monitor on my belly to keep track of the baby’s heart and other vitals.  She could not locate a heart beat.  I again calmly told her to get the doctor because I was baring down. I was transferred to an Operating Room and began to push, but I tried to fight the pain.  The doctor told me to push through the pain.  He then put his hand in my birth canal to protect the baby’s head as he came out. 

There was a lot of rushing around the room.  I asked if the baby had taken a breath.  When they said yes I was calm because I knew he was mine for eternity even if he died. His APGAR was 3.  His birth weight was 800 grams or 1 pound 8 ounces.  He was 12 inches long.  But he was alive.

I was then told that my placenta had stuck to my uterus and they would need to put me out and perform a D & C.  I wasn't too surprised because of the blessing James had given me.  That priesthood can be awfully strong!  I came to in recovery with a very bad sore throat.  They had to intubate me for the procedure.  They took me back to my room on a gernie.  When I got to the room, James was asleep on the floor in the corner in fetal position.  He didn't know if he would lose one or both of us and the stress was huge.

They wanted me to get into bed, but I insisted on seeing my baby first.  I had lost 3 units of blood and was prone to fainting, but the nurse brought smelling salts, put me in a wheelchair, and off we went to NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).  Our baby (we didn't actually name him for a month) was already in an incubator with a line going through his umbilical cord to his body. I can’t remember what this was for, but it was very new technology at the time.

I had to stand to see him, sat back down, and fainted. But I had seen him. It was worth it. We went back to my room and the next phase of keeping Lane alive had begun." 

Part 3 coming soon!

Lane had a very turbulent start to life. He was incubated for almost 4 months before he came home, and even after that, he was on oxygen for a good chunk of his first year. On Monday, he turned 17. He has no defects or health problems despite being born so early (other than vision issues, which he probably would have had anyway). Modern technology and medicine allowed this person to be part of our family.

The Premie, Part 1

This is how he started. With cords and oxygen tubes and needles and preemie diapers that were waaaay too big.

I was almost seven years old when my youngest brother was born. My mom was five-and-a-half months pregnant (24 weeks) when she went into labor with him. I remember he had to be incubated for almost 4 months, and I used to draw him pictures and tape them onto the glass of his incubator. We (I and my siblings) weren't allowed to touch him, and even when he came home, he was very protected and we had to be extremely careful. 

Lane, you were born and have always been the baby. A seven year age difference is quite a lot. I remember your childhood more than anyone else's because I was older as I watched you grow. You've always been so sweet and happy and smart, and I'm so glad your teeny little baby body was strong enough to keep on truckin'. I asked Mom to tell me your birth story, since it was your birthday yesterday. Here's part one of your seven-day journey to birth. 

Happy birthday Lane!

"Lane was due in early October, 1996.  On June 3 (approx date) my Aunt Doris had a heart attack and ended up bleeding internally.  She was critical for weeks.  I spent the night in the hospital waiting room while family traveled to be by her side.  I was 5 months pregnant and not in any danger as far as the pregnancy was concerned.

Around June 10th I went to the hospital because I had some irregular things happening.  They noticed that I was contracting every 3 minutes (which I did not feel) so they gave me a glass of water for hydration and sent me home after one hour.

The next day I kept feeling contraction so I kept drinking water, but they didn't lessen and by the time James got home from work I was in hard labor.  He drove me to the hospital which was 45 minutes away while I laid in the back seat breathing and moaning.  We were both very afraid of what was happening.  I don’t even remember who watched the other 3 children we had at home.

This is actually a very hard time to recount.  We were more scared than we had ever been in our marriage and there was a very real possibility that our baby would die.

When we got to the hospital, I was in full labor, fully effaced and 6 centimeters.  In a normal full term birth, a woman is 10 centimeters when she delivers.  I was diagnosed with a strep infection (vaginal) which produced a watery discharge which I had thought might be amniotic fluid.  On the 11th, the doctor told me a strep infection causes labor and that I should never have been sent home the day before.

They began medication to stop labor and hoped to get it under control so they could transfer me to a more equipped hospital.  Kaiser Anaheim Hills could take babies at 28 week gestation.  My baby was at 24-25 weeks gestation. We needed to get to Kaiser Bellflower (about 1 hour from our home).

After several hours, the doctor felt I was safe to transfer.  James followed in his car so he’d have a way to get home.  I was then put in a Labor and Delivery Room (LDR) and proceeded to wait and hope my contractions would stop.  From the beginning in Anaheim, my bed was tilted at a 30 degree angle with my head down to get any pressure off my cervix.  My bed stayed in this position until Lane was delivered which caused some terrible headaches.

The medicine they gave me had a toxicity level and my head felt loopy much of the time.  I did not have bathroom privileges and now know for a surety it’s darn hard to pee uphill into a bowl while lying on my back with someone watching.  Doesn't that sound exciting? 

If that wasn't bad enough, I started to bleed.  The doctors thought the placenta might be pulling away from the wall of my uterus.  This is a catch 22.  Bleeding causes contractions while contractions wer causing bleeding.  They weren't sure they’d be able to stop the cycle.  This is when Heavenly Father took over.  James gave the baby a blessing through my stomach.  I had noticed a small ache at the upper part of my abdomen.  As the blessing progressed, the ache shrank until it disappeared.  The bleeding stopped completely within an hour or two after that.

Once the doctors felt labor had temporarily stopped, I was transferred to a private recovery room to wait it out.  I wasn't put in a room with another mother because most of them would have healthy babies and they didn't want me subjected to the pain of watching families come and go.  Our goal was to stay in the hospital for all 3 months until the baby was due.  That was best case scenario.  We were told I would probably go back into labor and it would keep going like that until the baby was delivered."

Read Part 2 here.

Unplugged

For the next couple days, I'll be phone-less. My phone decided that it didn't like to be charged in the car at the same time as being used for Google Nav, so it shorted and won't turn on. 

In the meantime, I'll be doing some appointments here and there, keeping my house moderately clean, running errands, and planning my kitchen remodel. Conrad's on board, but we are having trouble having the courage to start such a big project. When's the best time to start a kitchen remodel? Two months before your baby is born? Six months after? 

This is my inspiration for the kitchen (pictured above). The layout is very similar, and the white shaker cabinetry is exactly what I want. 

The Almost-Father

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That baby boy right up there will be fathered by the man holding me above. 

Even in the ultrasound, I can see those extra-long femurs, just like his dad.

Conrad will be the most present, providing, loving, interested father for our babies. 

Happy father's day! 

Thirty One

I realized just now that I totally forgot to post a 30 week update (we're just going to say that Babymoon posts 1 and 2 are my 30 week update).

I wrote this pregnancy update just before I received the sad news of my cousin's loss of pregnancy. Before I go onward with my own pregnancy update, I want to express my sorrow for her loss, and for anyone who's ever lost a baby or struggled with fertility issues. I want to share my own joy, but I also want to remain sensitive to other people's more difficult experiences. Women struggling with loss are always in my prayers and heart. 

Can I just take a second to thank you for your advice on my 29 week update? I asked several of the questions that had been looming over me, and you guys were so generous with your answers! It's actually way more comfortable for me to ask my readers a question than it is for me to ask my doctor. Too much pressure to hurry up and finish so she can go see other patients.

I'm finding a couple new stretch marks on my love handles. Still nothing on the front part of my belly - hopefully it stays that way.

There is really no way to describe what it feels like to have a nearly-full-sized baby moving around inside you. Before I was pregnant, I watched Baby Mama, and Amy Poehler's character described pregnancy in the perfect, nonsensical way: "It's like if you ate a meatball sub, and then the meatball sub started kicking you." In other words, there's no way to imagine it until it's happening to you.

There's also no way to describe how heavy your body starts to feel. Let's try to figure out where 20 pounds have gone. I'm carrying around a 3 pound baby, a 2-3 pound uterus, around 4 pounds of fluid and placenta, and 40% extra blood in my body (which is probably close to 8 pounds or something). Tell me you wouldn't get tired hauling that around.

Food. Food is so good. I plan my days around what/where I want to eat. I fell asleep one night this week thinking about all the ways I could use kale (PS, leave your kale recipes in the comments. I'm not kidding). My brain is centered around three things: food, sleep, and nudging my baby around my belly.

Speaking of, I'm loving that he's bigger now. There's some serious interaction happening that I love. His movements and shifts are really noticeable, and I'll push around (gently, of course) to find his little back or butt, which inevitably wakes him up. Then he'll roll over or kick me back, and we'll start the game over again.

I have some more questions for you this week, and I'd love to hear your opinions!

My skin has been surprisingly clear throughout the pregnancy. Will I break out really bad after I give birth?
I know they recommend 6 weeks of rest and recovery before you resume exercise and other stuff, but how long really did it take before you felt up to working out?
Should I buy a nursing bra before I know how big I'll get? Or should I wait until closer to delivery? And what kind would you recommend?
Will my limbs inevitably swell? Swollen feet and hands just seem so uncomfortable.
Kale recipes! Leave 'em here.

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The baby with no heartbeat

A while ago, I wrote this post when I found out that my cousin's wife, who had lost her baby, was pregnant again. I was so excited that they were able to move forward and still find joy, and that we would get to have our babies together.

My mom just called me and told me that at four months pregnant - again - she lost her baby and had to deliver it. I am heartbroken for my sweet friend. I absolutely can't imagine the pain she's going through, especially a second time. I also can't describe the guilt I feel that she has lost two babies in the time I've kept one. Guilt is a weird thing, isn't it? Life is unfair, that some of us get to keep a baby and some of us don't, and that we're forced to just keep going on with everything.

So tonight, I pray for women who have lost babies, and also for women who keep them, that we may all know how to deal with this tragedy and help each other through it all. I'd also like to invite you, this community of bloggers and friends, whether you're religious or not, to say a small prayer or send a positive thought outward for women struggling with this sadness.

Beach House Transformation: White walls

I've been wanting white walls for at least 6 months, probably more. My hideous beige walls seemed so dark and made our house feel cave-y. A while ago, I finally decided I was actually going to do it, and early this week I set the date.

I don't know what my deal is, but I always have too-high expectations when I go to choose wall paint. Like the perfect color will be there, calling my name, but really it goes more like, "Uh, I guess this one will be good. Oh, you don't have it in that finish? Well then I guess this one will work fine."

And then there's my expectations of the actual painting process.

It will be easy! Painting walls is fun and fast!

Oh yeah, I forgot about moving all the heavy furniture, taping everything with blue tape, letting it dry, and putting all the heavy furniture back.

Queue calling a friend to help. One who knows more about painting than me, it turns out. Who knew that when you go from beige to white you'd need multiple coats? Who knew that you have to wait for the first coat to dry completely, otherwise the paint gets tacky and peels itself off? Not the pregnant one.

Anyway, here's the before and after pictures. The pictures don't really do the room justice; the beige made the room feel so dark, especially since our walls have some texture and catch shadows really easily. With the white walls, it's so much more clean and airy, the way a beach cottage should feel.

More home tour updates coming soon!